Leading our children and grandchildren

Every Christian parents dream is that their child will grow up to know the Lord and be a light that shines the love and truth of Jesus Christ into the lives of those around them.  We take on the responsibility to teach them the bible stores, bring them to church and pray with them when they are young.  Yet I see as I look back over the 40+ years of child raising that the mortar that keeps the bricks of spiritual growth strong and stable is the training of our children to be leaders.

I look back on my life and see both the success and failures of my parents at instilling leadership qualities in me.  Character values were taught, but there was no direction to funnel them into helping me develop as a leader.  There was no discussion of how personal leadership growth related to teaching and disciplining others for Jesus Christ.

I look at my efforts as a parent in attempting to instill Christian values and a sense of spiritual purpose in my children’s life.  It seemed as though my wife and I had all we could do just to live and take care of our 4 children till they left the house.  I look back and see part of that was because I had no clear sense of the leadership principles and purposes of Christ in my life.  I take responsibility for my selfishness and laziness in failing to instill the character leadership values in each of my children. Although it is true that each of my children had the choice to make their own decisions and bear the consequences, there is a part of the lack of parental nurturing that I must bear alone.

My desire, without falling into remorse for past mistakes, is that I can help others; myself, my wife, my children and grandchildren development Godly leadership qualities.  Associating leadership with the purposes of God will help to ensure that this generation will be the generation that will move our community, our region, and our nation back to Jesus Christ.

Take heart, don’t be discouraged, you have what it takes to help your children and grandchildren be the leaders that will honor Christ and make disciples and leaders of a new generation.

Here are five ways you can help them to grow up as leaders for the gospel of Christ.

1. Give them a chance to express their opinion and to communicate their thoughts to others.

Good leaders are good communicator.  Start early reading and engaging them in communication styles. Talk to them about the importance of expressing their opinion, up till they are teens.  Repeat over and over again the importance of being able to express their thoughts as a sign of good leadership.

Ask them what their thoughts are on topics that are age specific to their understanding.  Encourage them to express themselves even though it might be naive or contrary to your beliefs.  Ask questions without trying to control their conclusions of the topic.

Hear them out.  Listen and then respond without being judgmental.

Allow your children/grandchildren to talk in public.  You can do this by allowing them to:

•  Order their own food
• At doctor’s visits, let them describe their symptoms and allow the physician to talk to them
• When they are at a store, let them interact with the teller at the checkout.
• When purchasing shoes or other clothing, let them relate to the clerk their preferences.
• Encourage them in a public setting where appropriate, to express their thoughts.
• Encourage them to get in front of people and talk.  One of the more memorable times I had as a child was when I had to lead Bible studies or preach as a young teenager.
• Encourage them to listen to and ask questions to adults.  Jesus at the age of 12 was doing this in the temple.

2. Praise their progress and behavior

When your child or grandchild shows leadership skills, praise them for it.  All the better when others outside your immediate family also praise the child.

Get into the habit of complimenting your child.  This has a way of infecting confidence in the behavior of your child.

Be sure when giving praise that you tell them specifically what they are being praised for.  You might say something like, “I am so proud that you helped your friend complete his science project on time.”

Don’t be shy to lavish them with short praises like “Good job!”.  You don’t have to go overboard, just keep in mind that the intent is to approve them when they do a good job that relates to developing their success as a leader.

3. Let them be around leaders that can make an impact.

You as a parent or grandparent are the first role models and leaders of your children.  It is important that you teach them by your actions and words what the qualities of leadership are.

Look at your circle of friends and evaluate those that have good leadership values.  Find opportunities for social interactions with them so your children can see and hear the virtues, discussions, and actions of others that are outside the immediate family.

Point out examples of leaders on TV, in the news, at movies, in the books and real life.  Whether you are watching a story about a winning football team led by a father figure coach, or you are watching a community effort on the news led by a pastor, help your child see leaders and the leadership skills that they demonstrate.

Help your child recognize leadership skills in others.  Ask them specifically what leadership skills or qualities a particular person you have just seen or interacted with has.  Help them to express negative skills they see in others without a judgmental attitude.

You are giving your children the tools to use later on in life so they can identify the qualities of leadership in others and themselves.

4. Help them to identify the characteristics of a leader.

Create a definition of leadership for your child that is age appropriate. Depending on the age you can use a list of traits as part of the definition of a leader.  The list of traits can be written down and reviewed on a regular basis.  Make sure that the wording of the traits can be easily understood.

Some of the traits could be:

• Leaders are skilled at making discussions
• Leaders have a level of confidence in their God-given abilities
• Leaders are motivated to make things happen
• Leaders read a lot and discuss issues with people of wisdom and experience
• Leaders work together as a team
• Leaders don’t wait for things to happen, they make it happen.
• Leaders will take responsible for those they are leading
• Add your own traits here….

Put the list of traits on the refrigerator or wall and revisit it often with your child.  Repetition is the mother of learning.  Soon you will find that they will start to complete your sentence when you talk about a particular trait.

Another great way to help your child is to look at Bible characters and their stories for leadership traits.  Talk about both Old and New Testament people.  Discuss leadership traits and ask questions of what the different Bible leaders would do or say if presented with a current situation you or your child is experiencing.

5. Place your child in activities that build leadership skills

Consider, when appropriate, placing your child in Boy or Girl Scouts, leadership camps and other organizations that promote leadership building activities.

Allow your child to be in sports or other team building activities to help them experience what good leadership qualities.  At an early age give them opportunities to work with others that would involve community actives that help support the needs of others.

There is no better teacher than when your child is physically part of helping those that are in need.  Letting your child see those that are organizing the event, let them feel the heart the organizers have for the needy.  This is a great way for your child to witness a model that they, in turn, could do on their own.  Maybe like bringing cookies or food to a family that is financially struggling.

Let your children see and understand the consequences when parents fail to take responsibility for making right decisions.

Consider creating a list of daily chores that the child is fully responsible for.  Pick a daily chore that if not completed will affect the running of the whole household.  Something like feeding the dog or the responsibility of emptying the kitchen garbage.  Provide positive rewards for completing the chore on time and in an orderly way.

One word of caution.  Not all leaders in public or private setting necessarily are good leaders.  Shelter your children from these types of experiences.

Don’t be discouraged.  You have time to make a positive change for good in each of your children/grandchildren.  If appropriate, take the time to ask for forgiveness of your children in areas when your lack of leadership has had a damaging effect on your children.  Attempt to repair the relationship and press on to model true personal leadership.  We must be in the change process for ourselves before we can effectively assist our children in theirs.

We can’t undo the past, and we don’t know the future, but we do have today to make a difference in our lives and the lives of our children.  Ask God for wisdom and a pure heart.  He has already forgiven you, now gird up your loins and stand up as one who will lead this generation of children to be all they can be for Jesus Christ.